Recently, I was at a low-key small sporting event where the organiser was reading out the winners in each category. He made a quip about one winner, jokingly hinting he should have been up a grade. That participant, I’m guessing around 50 years old, didn’t take it well at all. He had an emotional outburst, a classic ‘tanty’, told the organiser to ‘get f!@$ed’ and stormed off in a huff – an outburst stemming from emotional imaturity.
We’ve all witnessed childlike behaviours in adults or exhibited them ourselves. Whether it’s an emotional eruption, storming off, or withdrawing into silence. Many retreat to their shed or garage. It’s more about EQ than IQ, I’ve seen it with incredibly intelligent people who hold very responsible positions. When triggered, some become aggressive, which is scary and intimidating for those around them, while others withdraw and resort to the silent treatment. It’s the childlike part of us that hasn’t matured, hence the phrase, I want to grow up before I grow old.
Acting Out or Acting In?
I was a sulker, I suspect because expressing anger openly was met with punishment, both at school and home. Fortunately, as a young adult, I got involved with Lifeline, worked in the caring professions, and underwent intensive experiential counsellor training that helped me recognise and address those child-like aspects of myself. During this time, I also completed bachelor’s and master’s degrees in psychology, which, while valuable, offered different insights than the personal development work that truly transformed my behaviour.
Impact on Relationships
This growth had the most significant impact on my relationship with my partner. When conversations or arguments became difficult, I would withdraw, she would pursue me, and I would withdraw further. This is the number one pattern we observe in couples counselling and can escalate to serious conflict when the pursuing person attempts to prevent the withdrawer from disengaging. For me, I had to learn to face uncomfortable emotions that caused me to shut down and seek help to process them so I could remain present during difficult situations as an adult, not a frightened child. Over the years, I’ve had to recognise both the strengths and limitations of other childlike behaviours as well, such as being the class clown—but that’s a story for another day.
The point is, we all carry these patterns within us. The question is: Do you recognise yours, and what have you done, or need to do, to address them so you can “grow up before you grow old”?
So What?
Don’t wait until these areas of your life destroy what really matters to you. Book in for a Pivot Call where we can identify the barriers that are holding you back so you can leave with clarity and momentum